When I talk with people about their dating life, I often get the feeling that the whole thing seems like one big question mark in their minds. It’s as if, the mere idea of a successful dating life is so ambiguous that they can’t wrap their head around it.
One of my favorite blogs is “Work the System”. It’s a business blog, that gets personal. In essence, we all have systems that we create in our lives in order to master that one section. A friend of mine puts it another way. She says “routine is your friend”. She has refined her routine in the morning, in order to streamline the time it takes her to get out of the door. This is an example of a system at work. She has repeated each part of the routine to the degree that she has refined it.
If businesses can refine their systems, and we can refine our systems in parts of our lives, it stands to reason that we can also create a system for our dating life.
Now, I know you are thinking that will take the romance out of it. Just the opposite! Having a system, will leave room for the romance to enter into your life. Having a system will take out the fear, apprehension, and self doubt that cloud our ability to successfully move in our most personal part of our personal life.
Over the next few weeks (maybe months), I hope to help you to define a system that you can create and work for yourself. In order to do that, we are going to start with a self-analysis. There are four areas in dating. I am going to call them: the Seek, the Meet, the Match and the Future.
Today, we are going to start with the first one: The Seek. I want for you to do some homework. Sit down with a piece of paper and physically write out your reaction to the questions. Go with your first responses. Write down your thoughts, words, or experiences. Without over thinking this, you will be determining which area is your strongest and which is your weakest.
The Seek: This is your ability to seek out and engage people to date. We are not counting co-workers, friends, or networking people. We are only counting people to date.
- What is your first reaction to this? What words, experiences, or thoughts come to mind?
- Do you seek out meeting new people, do you cower from it, or do you take the attitude that you are open to it if it happens?
- Do you do this regularly? This means, do you make this a part of your weekly activities (yes, weekly not semi-annually).
- If you do this regularly, do you have a system? Have you refined your approach?
- Do you approach people, or wait for them to come to you?
- How often do you date someone new? Once a month, once a year, or every few years? What is your frequency?
By now, you should start to see your behaviors creating a pattern. You are either active, neutral, or in hibernation.
If you are active, good for you! This is the first phase of a successful dating life, and you can sail onto the next area.
If you are in neutral or in hibernation mode, you need to count this as a weakness. If this is a weakness for you, ask yourself some bigger questions.
What mindsets are getting in the way of you being active?
Can you commit to six months of activity?
If not, then you will continue to struggle in this area. You won’t be able to achieve success in any of the other categories until you move past this obstacle. Letting go of your negative thinking and excuses is the first step toward mastering a system that works for you.
It doesn’t matter if you are overweight, thin, financially savvy, or struggling with money. Your situation has no bearing on your degree of success. What matters the most, is your attitude towards it. So put away those old worn out excuses and embrace the future. Remember, the only way to get different results is to do something differently.
Filed under: Finding Someone Tagged: | dating goals, dating life, new year resolution
