It’s true that any kind of relationship is difficult to end, even when it is your decision. However, if it wasn’t your decision, it is even harder. You don’t have the time to adjust to the idea of it, and you haven’t created all of the logical reasons in your head to justify the breakup. Most importantly, you probably weren’t ready for it to end, and now have to deal with your ego!
Our child like side wants to act out and throw that emotion in many different directions. We want to get revenge, we want to talk to everyone about it, we want it to go back to the way things were… We WANT.
This week, I witnessed a particularly bad breakup. It happened through LinkedIn. No, this wasn’t a romantic relationship, it was a professional breakup. I got a message through LinkedIn that a friend of mine had parted ways with his employer. However, it didn’t sound as polite as that. Several negative words were used about the situation, and it was mass emailed to connections.
This is the perfect example of what NOT to do. I am sure at the time, that it felt good to clear the air and lash out to friends and acquaintances. But, after the dust has settled, you can’t take it back. You can’t retract the way other people view your behavior in this situation, or how you hurt the other person in the breakup.
I have seen countless romantic break-ups that could have been make-ups, had each of the individuals taken the high road. Now, I am not advising that you view each breakup as a temporary thing. I am advising, that you always end things in a way that makes you proud of yourself. Sometimes you may have to duct tape your own mouth, but here is how to exit gracefully:
Adhere to the 48 hour rule.
1. Don’t tell the world. Don’t call anyone but your closest friend during this time to discuss what happened. For goodness sake, stay off of the computer and Facebook, LinkedIn, or any other social networking site. Unplug the thing. You will thank me later.
2. Don’t tell your relatives. Remember that WHO you tell, will probably not like this person in the future if you get back together. You might forget about the breakup, but your mom will never forget. That is why we love them. They remember the harms done to us by others.
3. Do not call your new ex. Period. No talking about it as nauseum. Let it marinate with both of you.
4. Don’t go trolling or dating. What if you did get back together? How is that going to look if you rush out to meet someone new in the time it takes to defrost a chicken?
5. Don’t talk about it at work. Really, it will not bode well for your professional career. Keep it together.
I know that is a lot of NO’s! I don’t usually like to word things that way. The last thing you want to do is get your hand slapped in your time of need. So what should you do? Well, for starters, try to get some clarity. You will have the emotional reaction at first. After that starts to subside, try to understand the points he/she made about why you shouldn’t see each other anymore. Are they valid? Are they excuses? I am hoping that this was a candid discussion. If it wasn’t, and you got a brush off, still aim for clarity. I don’t mean the kind of clarity where you pull a Jerry Maguire, and re-write your whole life. I mean the kind of clarity where you start to realize, “Well, perhaps I did ignore the issues for the last few months.” What you seek is to grow from this experience to become a better match for someone else.
Most importantly, don’t write off love forever, just because you fell down. Regardless of where you are, you must remember that a bruise eventually fades away and there is no pain. You have to get back up and try again (and again and again!).
Filed under: Finding Someone Tagged: | breaking up, dating life, online dating
