Dollars and Dating

The hardest thing to do when you are newly single, is to remember how to ACT single. When we are in relationships, we stop noticing the opposite sex and reacting to them.  Most women I know, hate this transition. They lament their new status and wish they could skip that part. However, what they have forgotten, is that flirting is the most fun part of being single.

Normally, when I use the word ‘flirt’, I get eye rolls. Most people assume this means that you have to be Mae West with an exaggerated walk and lewd language. Of course no one wants to do that. The other fear, is  that if you flirt with someone you will get rejected. Duh!  I hate to break this to the single folks, but it IS a numbers game. There will be some people you flirt with that respond and others that don’t.  You are a big boy or girl now, and you should be able to weather the occasional rebuff. Don’t let that slow you down, just keep on flirting!

The other response that seems to crop up, is that newly single folks don’t know how to flirt, and aren’t comfortable with it. There is truth to this. Think of yourself  as a baby learning to walk. You will fall down a lot, and when you do walk it will be wobbly. But with practice, you will be graceful. Flirting is the same way.  You will get better with time. Give yourself permission to fail a little and gear up for some fun.

Here are Heather’s tips for Flirting 101:

• The first part of flirting, is to make your body language approachable. If your back is to the room, or your arms are crossed, you are not sending the signal that you want to be approached. Instead, aim to keep you face to the room. Position your body so that someone can easily walk up to talk to you.
• Next, scan the room from time to time. Find someone who looks interesting and try to catch his/her eye. Eye contact is the best form of flirting. The rule of thumb, is that you will need to catch somoene’s eye three times for them to understand you are interested in them. Be patient.
• Smile a lot. People are attracted to someone that is happy. Crazy, right? Don’t use your outing as a chance to unload your problems. If you are in meeting mode, then keep your conversation with your buddies light and fun. No one will want to approach you if you look serious and somber.
• Stray from the group. Face it, no one wants to be rejected by a crowd. Make a concentrated effort to take the long way to the ladies room so that you can walk by the single men (or vice versa).  Do this repeatedly, and take different routes. Don’t hold down that bar stool for the entire evening.
• Initiate conversation. Don’t wait for someone to do all of the hard work. Make it easy on them, with gentle conversation starters. For instance, your drink is empty. Instead of waiting for your server, walk up to an empty place at the bar (near someone cute) and wait for the next bartender. After a heartbeat, ask that person what time it is. Or ask who won the game, or if Peyton Manning is having a good game, or ask about the type of beer he drinks (if it is an import you don’t know). Don’t worry about being Einstein or asking about world peace. Just make a casual off-handed remark and see what happens. Your aim is just to flirt, so don’t put pressure on yourself.
• Be nice. You hear me say this all of the time because I have seen some nice people be really mean when they are approached by someone they are not interested in. Be kind to people. When someone approaches you, be friendly. You don’t have to lie to them, but you can redirect the conversation.  Let them know (gently) that you aren’t romantically interested with statements like, “I have a girlfriend who would be perfect for you. I should set you two up.” You have to be careful, because he may be BFFs with the cute guy you DO want to meet. Plus, you never know when you might run into him/ her again in life. It’s best to prevent any awkwardness from the beginning.

The bottom line is, don’t wait for someone to sweep you off of your feet. Instead, master flirting and make it easy for someone to meet you. Be the bigger person in all cases, and treat people well. These simple philosophies will provide you with countless opportunities.

Filed under: Finding Someone Tagged: | dating, flirting, online dating