Dollars and Dating

Check out the KCTV5 video of my interview on this subject at http://www.kctv5.com/local-video/index.html?grabnetworks={videoid:4338116}

 “I’m not ready” is the fail safe in dating isn’t it? I am constantly hearing this from someone whenever a date or a relationship doesn’t work out. Both men and women take it as a sign that one or both of them just wasn’t ‘ready’ for the relationship, as if the universe meant for them to be together but the stars were not aligned at the exact right time for that to happen.

Do you believe in ‘ready’?

Do you believe that two people (let’s qualify them as both single and available first) are perfect for each other, have chemistry, and one of them isn’t ready to move forward?

I think this whole idea is a preferable reality versus the truth. The hard truth is that if two people do have everything going for them, heaven and earth cannot stop the relationship from moving forward. Why is it easier to deny that? Well, we hate to admit that something didn’t work out, especially if we don’t have a solid, logical reason for it. We would prefer to say that we didn’t like the fact that he was a smoker, or that our kids didn’t like him. Whatever the reason is, we want to have one. We want to be armed for friendly questions from well-meaning folks. The plain truth is that sometimes things just don’t work out. Period. There is no reason. It’s kind of like childbirth, sometimes women have a caesarean due to ‘failure to progress’. Basically, that baby ain’t movin’ along and it has gone on way too long!

So, Heather’s advice is to:

1. Stop using the ‘ready’ excuse for other people. As in, “he just wasn’t ready for someone like me, or for a relationship”. Don’t create it and don’t take it. Let’s be clear on this, there is no such thing. If he wanted you in his life, you would be there. Don’t hang on to this easy let down. Don’t wait around for him to get ready for you, as if you are a house that needs to be painted, and he is still choosing a color. Ridiculous. Move on. Value yourself enough to know that you are incredible and if someone doesn’t see that or realize that, then he or she is not for you, regardless of how much you like them.
2. Stop using the ‘ready’ excuse for yourself. As in, that relationship didn’t work out so it must mean that I’m not ready to date. I need to take some time to work on myself, etc…. You know you have been down this path before with these thoughts in your head, haven’t you? Let me translate that for you. You are saying to yourself, “ This didn’t work out, so I should go lick my wounds and hibernate.” Is that what you want to do? Really?

Let me put it another way. Your kid is playing soccer and getting her butt kicked in the first half. At the break, she says that she wants to quit and go home. She says it isn’t fun anymore and she doesn’t want to go on. Do you tell her ok, and that maybe she isn’t ready for soccer?

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