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Chemistry is important in any potential dating relationship. It’s the chemistry that makes it so fun! You want to have anticipation for your dates and to being with that person. We all know when we have IT, but what do you do when you don’t have IT?
I have heard hundreds of people tell me that the first impression tells them everything that they need to know. Most men will say that they really only need a five minute date to see if there is any potential. Now, that might be TOO superficial, but we are all like that to different degrees.
I will be the first to admit, that when the chemistry is bad, there is no time for a second date. But what do you do when the chemistry isn’t good or bad? What should you do when you get along fine, but there isn’t a real ‘spark’?
Too often, this is where your first dates will end. That is probably not what you want to hear. We all have a romantic vision that we will be swept off of our feet with this tornado of chemistry. That does happen sometimes. However, when it happens fast, it will end fast. Trust me on this. Tens of thousands of matches produce the same results. So why doesn’t life happen like the fairytale in our head?
- Real chemistry takes time. Let’s start with a basic fact. The older you get the more cautious you become. When everything is perfect, we tend to distrust it. We have to give each other time to really warm up to things. If you aren’t totally repulsed by the person, and you seem to have easy conversations, then don’t make a quick assessment of the future. Adhere to the three date rule. Make the first date a mutual decision of where to meet, and then trade off for the next two dates. This way, each person can choose something in their own comfort zone.
- No one will be your ideal when you first meet. So, he is a little rough around the edges, so she wears too much makeup. So what? Those things work themselves out if the relationship works out. Don’t make big generalizations based on the little things. These things do not represent broader issues like, “He has no self esteem” or “She is high maintenance”. You have to spend time with someone to really learn that for yourself.
- The person will become more attractive to you if things progress. It’s true. Have you ever had a friend like that? Have you had someone in your life, which was just around initially, but you started to realize how amazing they were as a person? When that happened, did you start to forget minor surface flaws? Most of us have a friend exactly like that in our lives. I do. I have a friend who talks so loud (yes, louder than me!) that you can hear her through an entire restaurant. It used to drive me crazy, but now I relish her boisterous laugh because being around her makes me feel better. This is also true of solid relationships. If you are still not sure, just ask my husband!
- Lastly, remember that not everyone on this earth is great at making a first impression. Some of us get nervous, try too hard, wear the wrong thing, come off as arrogant, or just blow it. If you are not in sales, communications, management, or a public facing profession, then chances are you don’t spend a great deal of time refining your ability to create a strong first impression. Remember this about other people. I have seen so many people hit things off on the second or third date.
The chemistry can’t burn too bright too quickly. Remember the Stalker and the Single Dad? Well, it is two months later. They hit it off incredibly well, and the chemistry was intense. Things moved fast, and well, they didn’t last. He claims he isn’t ready for that much of a relationship, she feels that he is immature. The reality is that chemistry doesn’t solve everything else.
I go back to my previous blogs. You have to be able to get along. You need things in common, and shared values in order to have a shot at the long term. So have some patience when it comes to first impressions, and take the time to get to know folks. Let’s face it, we can’t have too many great people in our lives romantic or otherwise.
Filed under: Finding Someone Tagged: | dating, finding someone, kctv5, matchmaking, social networking
