Kick start your conversation with these tasty tips
If you haven’t dated in awhile, or if you have never really dated, those initial conversations can seem intimidating. I have matched hundreds of folks that would fall into the ‘shy’ category, and their biggest fears are awkward pauses in conversation, running out of things to talk about, and sounding interesting.
It often seems to them, as if some people have a natural gift of gab, or an incredibly exciting life. The reality is, that those people are often just better prepared, or have more experience making conversation. So, with a little preparation and practice, you can too.
- 1. Look at your life.
What do you like to do for fun? (I do not want to hear about cats or dogs here!)Are you into sports, physical fitness, music, travel, etc? Maybe you have a lively family that has some great traditions, or perhaps you have a group of friends that religiously goes to First Fridays. These are the types of things that make you an individual and interesting to other people. Have these topics ready to discuss when you meet someone new. Whatever it is, take a little time to understand :
- WHAT you like about it.
- WHEN you have recently participated and have a good story to share, or WHEN an event is coming up.
- HOW that makes you feel accomplished, empowered, etc.
- 2. Look at the world around you.
- Make a point to be aware of things happening in the world that might be interesting to the opposite sex. When I was single, I always knew the important sports updates. Whether that is a current issue (Jared Page), or the fact that the Chiefs are in training camp, have a general understanding of what is going on, and be able to have an opinion about it.
- Be aware of current events. What are some interesting new movies? What is happening locally or globally that is worthy of conversation? I don’t mean that you have to immerse yourself in trivia and news, just be aware. Your goal is to be able to speak intelligently. Nothing is a greater turn off, than someone who keeps answering, “I don’t know”.
- 3. Be interested in the other person and ask questions.
Let’s face it, our favorite subject is always ourselves. So it stands to reason, that if you can get someone to talk about themselves in a positive way, they will like you even better. Notice that I used the word POSITIVE. That is because it is always easiest to ask about the negatives. As in, “How long have you been divorced?” “Why did your last relationship end?” If you have been reading my blog for awhile, then you should know by now that those conversations need to wait until you get to know the person a little more… like after the third date. Really.
Instead, teach yourself to ask the positive questions:
- HOW do you spend your weekends?
- WHAT is the most amazing trip you have ever taken? WHY?
- WHO is your closest friend and WHY?
- WHAT makes you good at your job? (Notice I didn’t ask what that job was, how much it paid, how long he/she has been there.)
- WHAT are you passionate about in your life?
- If you could do anything in the world, regardless of money, WHAT would that be?
See how these types of questions conjure up a happy place and a dream for the future? This is where you will see some powerful conversation results that will tell you more about a person than you could have obtained by the standard lines of questioning. Your homework as a single person, is to have some conversation kickstarters handy at all times. You never know when you are going to run into someone new! If you have some handy advice that has worked well for you, please share that here with other readers.
Filed under: Finding Someone Tagged: | dating, matchmaking
