I recently set up two different couples on first dates. I knew all four of them (see other posts) and felt confident that they would hit it off. However, all four of these individuals fell victim to verbal vomit on the date.
What do I mean? Each person told their entire life story up until that moment, past relationships, past experiences, negative and positive, you name it. It was like this huge data download intended to be ‘honest and open’.
I know that there is a mentality among singles that this saves time and energy and gets all of the red flags out in the open.
But how much it too much? It really begs the bigger question, What are the goals for the first date?” Ok, if you saw my segment on KCTV5, then you know the answer to this. However, I want to elaborate here. If you haven’t seen the show, catch my clip here.
No matter what age you are, or your stage in life, the goals for the first date are the same.
1. Meet in person to see if there is any chemistry. Now this doesn’t always have to be a burn the house down fire from the start. However, you should find the other person reasonably attractive. Most importantly, chemistry is derived from the ease of conversation and the mutual spark of interest in each other. You should know this in the first thirty minutes. (I am allowing extra time for those late bloomers who are shy at first.)
2. Decide if you like this person. I don’t mean that you are in love, good lord. But do you think this is a good person that you can talk to?Does time go by quickly? Do you find that often want to tell more stories than you can work into the conversation? That is a good sign.
3. Determine if you want to see him/ her again. REMEMBER THIS: the goal of the first date is to see if there should be a second date, not to pack it all into one meeting. Don’t overstay your welcome. If you originally planned to meet for an hour, keep it at that hour. Keep the first date on schedule so that you are both excited to see each other again.
So, if you are still reading, you probably identify yourself in this scenario. You might be thinking, ‘If I don’t tell my life story, am I being deceitful?” Most single people seem to think that there are only two choices on the first date. Not true. Sure, don’t hold back on what I call the ‘big bucket items’, which include the fact that you have kids, you are still married, etc. Those are deal breakers. But, you don’t have to get into the gory details on the first date, and you don’t have to divulge every little detail about yourself either. Dating is a journey, not a one stop interrogation. Keep things simple and breezy, it’s a lot more fun!
Filed under: Finding Someone Tagged: | dating, dating life, kctv5
