Your dating life. Just those short words strike a myriad of emotions in people. At the heart of the matter is the question of what you want and what you believe you should do (or not do) to find it. When I asked this question of the KCTV5 audience, 80% of the responders felt that finding the right person should be left to chance. Click here to see the video.
When we dive deeper into that belief, however, the answer changes. Today, after the segment, I spoke with a good friend. She is planning a wedding for next month and we talked about how different things are for her now that she has someone in her life. “He just showed up at the right time, and it was meant to be,” she said. Really? Let’s rewind.
What about all of he social gatherings she had been attending? What about all of the networking functions she orchestrated? What about doing some soul searching after the last relationship to determine what she wanted the next time around? All of these behaviors put you in the right place at the right time.
Would you leave it up to chance if you were job seeking? Job clubs will tell you that you have to have a lot of exposure, a lot of interviews, and a lot of conversations to find the right job fit. Isn’t dating the same thing?
Planning a dating strategy and making a choice doesn’t make you desperate. It makes you choosy. You are more likely to settle into a bad or mediocre relationship when you have fewer choices on the horizon.
So let’s address the idea of CHOICE. Making a choice to put effort into finding someone does not mean that you are a hunter. In fact, you can still be your normal self whether that is shy, outgoing, aggressive, passive… you get the idea. What changes is that you are choosing to put yourself out there. Let’s face it, if you don’t get out of the house (figuratively and literally), then your only option is the delivery guy or girl!
So how do you do it… get out there? First, think of yourself as a product. You have to market YOU! Where are the kinds of people you want to meet? They won’t be at some secret bar or club, they will be scattered everywhere, so you have to play the numbers game and do many things. Some will work for you, and some won’t. And maybe some will work for awhile and stop working, and then others seem like a waste of time and then they work all of a sudden. Ok, I scared you now, didn’t I?
I won’t leave you hanging out there. Here are some easy tried and true strategies that I have used to match up hundreds of people.
Online dating sites. Sure, they get a bad rap, but all sites are not created equal. Try out the granddaddy sites like www.Match.com, but also check into some that are specific to your interests or life situation. Here are a few to consider:
- Religious? Try www.Jdate.com if you are jeweish or www.eharmony.com if you are Christian.
- Single Parent? Check out www.Singleparentdating.com
- New College Grad? Go to www.yuppiedating.com
- Over 40? How about www.thirdage.com
But also try these things:
- Take a class at night or on the weekends (when working people attend) in something that interests you.
- Try a new hobby/ join a club
- Attend networking functions for business
- Volunteer for a cause
- Volunteer at your child’s school (hello single parents!)
- Go to any party or social event you are invited to! Don’t say no!
Lasty, shake up your routine. Go to a different grocery store, dry cleaner, restaurant, and other places that you have never been to before. Be adventurous and ty something new.
Most importantly, don’t convince yourself that you are destined to be alone, that romance and fate will put the person in your path, or that there aren’t any great people out there. After all, YOU are single, right?
Filed under: Finding Someone Tagged: | dating, dating life, matchimaking, online dating
